Saturday, April 11, 2020

How Dust Bunnies Saved an Old Man

A Postmodern Fairy Tale

Once upon a time
In a land of great plenty
Where everyone was happy and wealthy
A terrible plague swept over the country

A frightened old man
Went to hide under the bed
The Government had ordered
All the elderlies to stay home

Thinking it would be even safer
After all, what self-respecting virus
Would go around looking
Under beds for its next victim

The old man was startled to see them there
As he crawled under the bed
Dusty, Musty and Cottonlint
Introduced themselves

“How do you do.”  Said the old man
“How long have you been here?”
“My whole life.” They answered in unison
Not really understanding the concept of time

“I have to go to the bathroom.”
“What’s a bathroom?”
“Oh, never mind.”
“I just have to leave for a while.”

“Please, please don’t go out there.”
They begged of the old man
“There is a terrible monster out there.”
“He will gobble you up.”

“My brother Cottonfoot ventured out one day.”
“We heard the monster whirring and clicking”
“He screamed, there was a puff of dust.”
“And then he was gone.” Sobbed Cottonlint

On the way back he saw it
The Roomba clicking and whirring as it
Made its rounds, and chuckled at
The irony of the metaphor

He unplugged the Roomba and
Returned to the safety
The Dusties cheered on seeing
The old man was back safe and sound

“You’re safe now.” He told the Dusties
“I slayed the evil monster dragon.”
“He won’t come around anymore.”
“He won’t be eating any more Dust Bunnies.”

The old man taught the Dusties
How to play pinochle and other games
He brought them a small TV
So they could watch the cartoon network

So, the old man stayed under the bed
With his new friends
And he didn’t catch the virus
And they all lived happily ever after